A Pressing Problem that Deserves a Forum for Serious Discussion In Order that this Pernicious Evil be brought to the attention of the willingly indifferent masses (to the detriment of all)

I know you are aware of what I'm talking about, you know exactly what problem I am furious about, and I know you have been waiting for someone to be brave enough to bring it to bear upon the unsuspecting masses.  For too long we have lived under this economic injustice, for too long we have suffered under this tyranny, unable to enjoy the basic rights afforded to any human simply for living, breathing and existing.  Like the French in the 1790s and the Red Sox in the early 2000's we have been through too much injustice, too long we have been without rights and the full respect we deserve.  Yes, I'm talking about the inflated prices of dildos in Europe.


Imagine how expensive this prank would be in Europe!!

 Did you know that a regular sized dildo (at least in comparison to me and my girthy member) that costs about, say, ten dollars in the land of the free, home of the Donald (trump), runs almost 25 euros (38 dollars!) in the communist experiment that is the Europe proper?  How is a man, working for minimum wage, trying to feed two children and pay for rent in a low scale apartment supposed to afford the amount of dildos needed to make life worth living (eight)?  Let's say a man named, conveniently, Jeff, owned a falafel stand in Jerusalem and had a loving wife (though not loving enough to fully satisfy him sexually, as who can satisfy such a titan of industry) and was barely scraping by and needed something to relieve him from the daily stress of being Jeff.  Let's say he had tried heroin, spray paint and smoking window glass (look it up, its real) and none of these had relieved the terrible tremors that haunted him at night as he sweated over being able to provide the basic necessities to his family.  Let's say the doctor had told him he just needed to relax and he had found, through some back alley experimenting, that this could be most efficiently and pleasurably achieved through the use of, say, the great american dildo.  Let's also imagine that he only had ten dollars to spare each month on such splurges of pleasure.  Now in America, land of the free indeed, he could buy a beautiful mahogany dildo for only ten dollars, because the owners of sex stores in america care about their customers and they want them to cum back time and time again, they dont do hard sells.  But in Europe he would have to forego an entire weeks supply of toilet paper (which he would probably need more of after thorough dildo useage) and give up his weekly shiatsu massage sessions simply to afford an economy sized, flimsy, carcinogenic dildo that lacks any semblance of ergonomic design, simply stated the type of dildo they used in ancient egypt, as prickly as a cactus and as fun as trigonometry.

They Also Try to Tell us that Incest is 'Evil'

      This isn't okay, Jeff, should be financially able to support himself and batter his anus in an affordable fashion.  The roots go deeper though. This is all, as I've been saying for some time, part of the worldwide plot (headed by the Jews no doubt) to make the world a boring and prudish place.  First they outlawed polygamy (womens rights!? yea the right to get out of the way while i seduce my other wife!), then they said bestiality was bad (but fat chicks can still marry, go figure), then marijuana was deemed harmful and they created, and then promptly banned, LSD, then the US government created Yoko Ono to destroy the Beatles and now someone, or rather something (like a Balrog), is trying to destabilize the dildo market in the European continent in hopes that it will create a human race so uptight and without joy in order that we will be easily conquered.  Call it conspiracy theorist ranting, but I got the word from the Big Man (Bruce Vilanch) that its true.  Stay tuned for more eye-popping info on this topic that concerns us all, humans, dogs, and homosexuals, as much as the next. 

Only Way to Defeat A Balrog, tisk tisk Gandalf

Moment of Zen
enjoy


The Man, Bruce Vilanch, Who Leaked this Sinister Plot



Why cant these two mate? I'd call it a perfect match if there ever was one