Germany - The land of my dreams

If Only Everyone in Germany was this cute, I'd fuck 'em all

If someone were to drop into my dreams (preferably naked) and look at what I am thinking on a daily nightly basis, not only would they vomit and probably see alot of nugget porn (dont look it up, I swear it will kill you, but i know you will, so in that case i will just explain that it is a mythical, as of yet undiscovered, form of porn that involves quadrapelegics, and is highly offensive) but they would also see a country resembling Germany, without the trees made of gumdrops and the buildings made of gyro meat. LONG SENTENCE ALERT.
I was surprised to discover that not everyone in Germany looks like Augustus Gloop, saurkraut is actually not that popular and that there aren't fetish festivals with people with spikes on their head dancing to Rammstein (though Shane wished that there were).
   Germany is the type of place that can produce Hitler and sauerkraut and still be the greatest place on Earth.  Granted, there are things in Germany that were frankly terrifying, such as the footlong rats that were in the park where we held a BBQ (true story) and the footlong penises that Lisa oggled, but other than that it could not have been improved.
Let's start with the basics, in Germany you can drink all over the streets, as in you can carry a beer bong down the streets and use it and people will high five you and tell you that you are too sober or you can pour vodka in your eyes at the local convenience store and destroy your vision and liver simultaneously, but legally as well.  This makes pre-gaming not a stagnant, 'hey lets play some pitbull cause he makes me want to party,' type of affair, but rather a, 'lets go biking a drink a beer in the middle of the street,' sort of thing.


Imagine This Having Sex

 Secondly, everyone smokes cigarettes in germany, the babies come out with camel reds in their mouths, and the old grandmas will debate the merits of marlboros or american spirits with you for hours.  This means that cigarettes also cost 2 euros for a pack, which delighted lisa to no end, i counted only seven minutes when she did not have a virginia slim (ironic) in her mouth. 

We tried to tell her, but she wouldn't listen

The music at the bars isn't the generic, 'i cant sing but I will because Americans are stupid and only listen to singles and songs without guitars or talent and listen to the EXACT SAME music every night at bars because their brains are too small to process anymore than forty songs over a lifetime,' and there are bars that will play all of the Red Hot Chili Peppers' Stadium Arcadium on a Friday night because that's what bars should do.  Additionally these bars don't close until four or five in the morning, further making America look stupid, the beer is better than your mother ever told you sex would be, and the weiner schnitzel would turn any man gay. 
Also its 11:58 and I have class in five minutes, the rest of Germany will have to be explained later, I'll finish you guys off then
moment of zen

Shane hooked up with him